10 wired tips for our Parliamentarians

“Baith Jaaiye, Baith Jaaiye” is the most frequent word the Loksabha speaker Madam Meira Kumar utters since she has taken over the post. Previously Mr. Purno Sangama, whom I regard very high as a speaker, used to shout “Pleess Pleess” more frequently. I have never seen a speaker since or after or even before Mr. Sangama who has an effect on our naughty school boyish parliamentarians. He used to even scold and show the importance of being MP whenever it was needed. Where Madam Meira Kumar seems to be helpless the Leftie old war horse Somnath Chatterjee was neither as powerful as Sangma was or nor as helpless as Madam Meira Kumar. But he used to get emotional and that helped him few times I believe. 

These days our learned opposition members are opposing P.Chidambaram’s very presence in the house. Logically or even if you are staunch fan of the opposition party, you probably won’t like to support this move. He is yet to be charged in 2G scam, though there are suspicions on him raised by good old Dr. Subramaniam Swamy. But on that basis just to gain political points, one should not allow to disrupt the parliament. As far as I know parliament and Assemblies and Municipal Councils are the only places where the “problems” of people must be discussed. No matter what ever the minister or a person in the ruling bench is, one must give time to address the people’s problem and not the petty political issues. Those can be gained when you organize rallies or yatras and during election speeches or go to courts directly to get rid of your problems or doubts. Parliament must always function. That’s my honest belief. I am sure plenty of us share the same feeling, but those who run the parliament never cared, either they are in opposition or in ruling party. 

Meira Kumar,, current speaker of Loksabha 

It is not that current opposition is doing this for the first time in the history of parliament, those who are in treasury benches today used to do the same when they were in opposition and we have witnessed that also. There is a right to oppose in democracy. Like many other rights this right should also be used with plenty of thought. Like freedom of speech should not be used to abuse someone, freedom to oppose should not be used in such a way that entire administration fails to function. But then almost all the parties across the nation finding it difficult to get new ways to oppose. They always feel that there are no other way to show your opposition then start shouting slogans and coming in to the well of the house and try to attract the attention of people as well as speaker. 

I have given a long thought on this and found out some very innovative ways to oppose in Loksabha or in Assembly. So that our opposition parties across India can use it. They may not be attractive or fruitful to begin with but slowly if they use them frequently, they may get success. So let’s have a look on it.

1.  Walk out: This is tried and tested formula by our opposition. When congress used to have huge and comfortable strengths in parliament or in state assemblies, and when opposition was also innocent and humble enough then today, used to just walk out of the house. Better to leave the place where you are not heard rather than try the futile exercise of shouting and being heard. If half of the house is empty even treasury benches will feel bore and will come to you and plea to come back, like many of the husbands do when their wives go to her maika , “roothna manana you know”.

2. Men (and women) in BLACK:  Wearing black arm bands is another historically proven way of showing your dissent. At least you get noticed that you are opposing something. If that doesn’t make you happy or you feel you get unnoticed  by just wearing black arm band, then why not wearing all cloths in black colour? Yes why not? Black Kurta, Black Dhoti, Black topi, Black saree…just imagine how entire half of Loksabha looks in  black? There will be certain questions from treasury regarding this and you will immediately get noticed. Once that’s done you can tell them the reason of your opposition and threat them to wear them till your demands are not met.

3. Gandhiji ke teen Bandar: Today it is not like in 50s, 60s, 70s or 80s that opposition has small numbers. Except in few assemblies every where we can have large number of opposition members. They can be divided in to 3 parts. One will put their palms on their lips, other section on their eyes and remaining one on their ears. Probably the best way to show your opposition. Certainly you can show your plight that “this government has totally lost it and not allowing the opposition (means the people of India yaar, samjha karo) to speak, see or hear”. Gandhiji must have foreseen the problem of Indian opposition in this century, way back in early last century, then only he “liked” (no Facebook on those days dudes!!) these three bandars.

4. Show your back: Another great idea sirjee. The government people would love to see your dull faces when they reject your demands. Since you are not going to shout or march to the well of the house, why not seating  backwards? Yes the first raw to last one every one just turn 180 degrees and show their back to great Pranab’das and Chidambarams. The opposition can certainly take part in the debates while doing this. Just they need to care about is “to sit back and enjoy”. What will happen then is that government people will feel uncomfortable, because it is scientifically proven that eye to eye contact conveys the message better then “back to eye” or vise versa. Who knows they may surrender to your demands too. Imagine Pranab’da and Manmohansinghjee calling Advanijee and Yashwantsinha “aji sunte ho?” when they face their backs? They will definitely put their arms down and ready to discuss.

5. Stand Up: Well I am not sure whether this idea will be liked, because many of our Netas must already have “knee replacements”, not because they always give “kneejerk” reactions, but because of their age. The idea is to stand for entire session of parliament without shouting and still participating in debates. I know the current speaker’s favorite lines are “baith jaaiye baith jaaiye” so opposition people may need her prior nod. If they get it, then nothing like it. The only problem is that government people may think, by mistake that entire opposition is giving them “standing ovation”. So opposition must convey through the speaker, that they are infact not giving them standing ovation but they are showing novel idea to oppose.

6. Munnabhai Estyle: The so called “Gandhigiri” advised by Munnabhai can also be tried. Every opposition member should bring equal number of bouquets for every member of government side MPs. Yes they can also attach a card of “Get Well Soon” if they are really “sick” of them. They can bring new bouquets every hour passed by and thus there will be plenty of bouquets on treasury benches and by lunchtime the ministers may not be able to see through feel uncomfortable and may agree to discuss on which the opposition is adamant. The side effect of this will be the entire Parliament will have some nice fragrance and room fresheners will be unused for that day. That will save plenty of money to exchequer too, isn’t it? Just one thing to keep in mind that they should not do this on 14^th of February if the session is “on” on that day.

7. “Anna-Giri”: Not Azha-giri, off course because we want you guys to speak also, when allowed to. Anna Hazare in recent days has done two great things. One is fasting and other is “maun vrat”. Maun Vrat can be observed with above given ideas. So what remained is fasting. I know very less Netas will be queuing up for this but still I request them to read this fully.  There are two options. Either fast till session is on. I mean for whatever days the session lasts they can fast. Try not to do this during Budget session, because I heard that is long and comes in two parts. The other idea is to have fast per day. Means, they can fast when at 11 am session starts and break it when it ends in the evening. I feel that is the smartest way to do isn’t it? The effect of this will be the rates of already cheap food of Parliament canteen will go further down because of lack of takers. So government people will start asking and may ask opposition people to withdraw their fast so they can stop loss to parliament accounts. 

8.  Filmy dialogues: Daily discussion in Hindi, English, Tamil or any other language may be boring some times. Ministers are always ready to answer. But if opposition people want to tease them they can give a twist to show their opposition by asking questions in Filmi dialogues. For example they can ask “Kitne aadmi they?” to know the exact number of people involved in 2G, CWG and other scams. Or they can ask Sharad Pawar  “Aaj Raja ke paas itne crore hai, Kanni ke paas itne crore hai, Kalmadi ke paas itne crore hai, tumhar paas kya hai hain?”. Sharadbhau may get confused and feel outta answer, but being seasoned politician he may calmly reply like Shashi Kapoor replied originally, “Mere paas sirf 12 crore hain” . The opposition may use this idea for their inside benefit too. Recently we have seen Advanijee in tears for many times. Arun Jaitley can easy say “Babu Moshai, I hate tears”.

Navjotsingh Sidhu (MP-Amritsar) 

9. Unleash Sidhu: It is said that, if nothing works, then “Brahmastra” works.  When you have Navjotsingh Sidhu in your batting line up, oops, in your party, you better use him, but carefully. Because if used early he may backfire and if used late…then may backfire too. You just tell Sidhu to start speaking; he can do that for entire Budget session without stopping, even when Budget session has few days of break in between. That may help the speaker. She has to handle only one person, though we are sure that even then it is not easy. The government people will get tired by half hour and may get ready to discuss what opposition wants. Then the onus will be on opposition to stop Sidhu and let him know that our demands are accepted.  But as I said he is your “Brahmastra” so must be used judiciously. 

10. Shot the gun:  Nope, I am not advocating any violence here. What I want that somehow, opposition should manage to bring their own Shatrughan Sinha to both houses and let him just  say “Abey Khamosh!” and that may do the trick. The entire treasury will go silent and will allow the opposition to put their case easily. Again this option should only be used when above 9 doesn’t work.

Hope our leaders will be happy to read this, if they ever read such stuffs. They have plenty of options to oppose now. They can even moderate or edit on this after doing some research. I do not hold any copyright on this. My only point is that all the lawmakers must complete their stipulated days of work. People are worried about the money goes wasted when there is disruption. But that money was going to be used in any case whether parliament runs or not. Plus we have spend plenty of money on those large scale industry of scams, hence if few more goes down the drain, its fine...our hearts are large may be our pockets are not. But only thing is that the huge number of pending bills must be entertained and discussed faster. We need rule of law to remain checked. We get our salaries cut if we do not go to office just to attend our ill brothers and sisters at the hospitals. You do not have such an emergency. If there is any is that how you can make our living standards high and for that you need to discuss and pass laws. 

Thanks for reading…..

Dessert Storm!! 

Once Loksabha speaker Mr. Balram Jhakhar asked the then MP and bollywood icon, Mr. Amitabh Bachchan to seat down twice, when he was already sitting. Mr. Jhakhar later realized that Mr. Bachan is so tall that he is actually seems to have been standing. Later he (Mr. Bachchan) used the same situation in different way in his movie “Sharaabi”, when he asked Mukri to seat down. 

-Not confirmed, but heard somewhere.

1996 : Eden Gardens

Yes we all were exited.  It was all set for a gripping semi final of a world cup.  World Cup was at home after almost nine years and we were playing really well against all but the one against whom we were going to play that day. Yes Sri Lanka had beaten us convincingly in the round robin match at Delhi, the only match they played outside Sri Lanka before this and the all important final.  For me it was really exciting times for sure. I was just 9 when we won World Cup and there were very hazy memories (even today) about that win, so this was my first time as a big boy to celebrate the best possible chance to win the ultimate event. 

All I was praying was that India should win the toss. Because if we win the toss we will bat first and anything above 200 should serve us well. The history was also favoring my thinking. In past “Hero Cup” semi final and final were played on the same venue and small scores were easily defended. In the semifinal India could defend even a score just under 200, not easily though but with the help of “Tendulkar’s last magic over”. He left Proteas clueless and they couldn’t score even 4 runs required to win in the last over. (Probably the first incident of their now very famous” chocking”) In the finals India again won the toss and batted first and made decent score and in response, West Indies was just made to surrender. Anil Kumble took one of the best figures of 6 for 10. So what I want to assert here is that in those days Eden pitches was of the nature that it would break in pieces once the first innings is over. So win the toss and win the match was the foregone conclusion. If any one of you still remember, during first IPL pitch was like that way only. Though KKR beat DC while chasing a very paltry score even in the T20 match but not before making a fight. 

But shocking surprise came when we all saw toss and Azhar chose to bowl first. I still remembered I was so shocked as if the Indians have just lost the match. But how could I feel differently when I remember those two incidence mentioned in last para clearly? It should have been a “cakewalk” for a team once they win the toss at Eden. But as if things were there to prove me wrong, we saw two most devastating openers history has even saw got out in the first over itself! Both Jaysuriya and Kaluwithrana got out at scores of 1 and 0 respectively. I thought hey, its not that bad decision. Azhar must have done it with lots of thinking. But then another wicket and enters Aravinda de Silva and since then they never looked like losing the match. It was one of the best counter attacks at least I have seen. But then too, 251 was still chasable in minds. As it was very natural and common then that if Sachin is there, there is always a hope.  Wickets were tumbling at other end and he was keeping on batting. Once spinners started to operate, the faces in well learned drawing room started to feel the heat. Literary ball was turning square. Puffs of dust were seen like minefield. Readers  can correct me that Jayasuriya got Sanjay Manjarekar, bowled around is legs. I have never seen Jayasuriya before and after that match turning the ball that much. In the end Tendulkar too succumbed and the crowed at Eden also followed the same. Few people were seen leaving the ground but few not only stayed there but also started to bother the fielders on the boundary lines by throwing stuffs, primarily water bottles, on them.  Few of them even caught showing their middle fingers to Indian players on camera. I have never seen such an abuse to our team before and thank god after. Referee Clive Lloyd intervened and declared Sri Lanka winner by default. Everything was going through our eyes but this decision made me livid for sure. I even uttered that had this match played in Colombo would Lloyd awarded the match to India even when India were all but gone? 

If this was not enough each one of us saw the not out batsman Vinod Kambli crying when the match was awarded to Sri Lanka. Few machos in my living room under the effect of shock and shame called him “non man”. But few like me, who lives with their emotions, showed some sympathy to him and even pity him. But those tears were probably real and not the one he poured a night before. In this media age everything is sellable. Even your smile, laugh, sneeze and your tears. The things he has said to support his claim can’t stand anywhere, forget court of law.  It seems he is out to target Azhar and probably the other two guys who were banned by the BCCI later on match fixing allegations. If you look at the score card, only Sachin, Manjarekar and Kambli himself along with Mr. Ex has got into the double figure. Just because the tainted trio has gone out for ducks and a single respectively, Kambli and the channel might have thought that they got enough masala to raise the TRP to the roof top. The same channel is known for throwing unethical, unsupportive and selfish allegations in past for which I too also is a sufferer, but that I will talk at an appropriate time. The pair might have thought that they will get support of other media houses for this and can run this on and on for months to come. It’s good to see Azhar came out in public immediately and rubbished the claim. I always feel for Azhar. He was suspended by BCCI based on Chandracur committee report but then that’s all! Azhar has filed a case against BCCI in courts but nothing by BCCI. Till Butt, Asif and Aamer went to jail, all those apart from Cronje played or still playing the game but not Azhar. Be it Shane Warne, be it Mark Waugh, Boje or Gibbs. As he (Azhar) rightly said last night on one news channel that it’s easy to blame Azhar when fixing things are talked about. Because the case in the court is not going at a faster pace, he can still be favorite punching bag for years to come now. 

Even if I have to believe Kambli that, that match was fixed, I would rather say that possible reason could be not to play in Pakistan for the finals. Those days relations between India and Pakistan were tense then even now. Though they are always like this but still it were certainly very tense. You could see how first Aamir Sohail reacted to Venkatesh Prasad when he hit him for a boundary and then Prasad himself reacting to Sohail when he got him out next ball in the match just before this most talked about one. Not only that a night before that match Imran Khan also on one live discussion said Pakistan will win easily because they were “always” the better side then India. Even Salim Malik said that we are better than Indians, hence we will win hands down. So if the match at all was “fixed” then must be by top brass of BCCI taking Indian team in faith and keeping Lankans in dark, obviously. But then the question comes that the venue of the final was decided long back. Probably in 1994 when Imran Khan and Late Madhavrao Scindia made joint effort in ICC to bring the world cup event back in sub continent. So this argument also doesn’t stand. 

All in all this looks like another TRP event. If Kambli was so sure he would have said this even a year or so later. But then youth was with him and he must be expecting to play more for India and doesn’t want to put his place in trouble. But then if he was so selfless and worried about corruption in cricket, he would have became instant hero by exposing then and there only. Azhar has said many things in his defense in last two days are enough to understand what Vinod Kambli is all about, because we have seen him helping another TRP raising event in “Sach Ka Saamna” few years back.

Dessert Storm!!!

 

“I thought I gave the match to Indians in platter, I told him (Azhar) to bat first if he wins the toss”

-          

      - Eden Gardens’ curator, few days after the semi final.

This Ra.One has G.One

The “Dream Projects” in Indian movies often have been disastrous in past. With due respect to Late Raj Kapoor,  Shailendrajee and Guru Dutt and their dream projects, later turned into “master pieces” , were not up to the mark at the box office. “Mera Naam Joker”, “Teesri Kasam” and “Kagaz ke Phool” were not less the disasters at theaters during those times. Off course makers especially creative makers put on dream projects to fulfill their internal wishes. Means those things which they have not done yet and doing it for their own satisfaction. Raj Kapoor was almost bankrupt after “Mera Naam Joker” so was Guru Dutt after “Kagaz Ke Phool”. Shailendrajee died soon after “Teesri Kasam” didn’t replied with desired results. I am sure my memory is serving me right in all three cases I have mentioned above. When I was on my way to watch another dream project of today’s Badshah all these cases mentioned above, plus the articles and reviews by different film pundits were going through my mind. Although I was just obliging my six years old son, who wanted to see this movie at any cost, I too was not less exited to watch it. Mind you never been a SRK fan, in fact, never liked his antics on and off the screen. Yes I have always admired him as good actor with charming persona. 

After going through those reviews by movie pundits on different websites and super pundits on different social networking sites, first 10-15 minutes of the movie, certainly gave me thought of “Gayee Bhens Paani Mein”. It all started with “Is ki Lee” “Us ki Lee” “Sab ki Lee”. It was then followed by Condom-Condom, Bhai ka bhocha, Tere baap ka poda. I told myself, “Oh god, SRK is at it again!!” That blog “An open letter to SRK” [http://thebigdowg.wordpress.com/2011/10/31/an-open-letter-to-srk/] was right there in my mind too. They “key” sequence was also looked like “typical SRKish”. But suddenly things started to change when visual effects started to happen. Things were getting interesting for me. The way Ra.One was starting behave the way he wanted to as per rule of the game. Especially the way Aakaashi was feeling the pinch by Ra.One every time he tests the game. 

Anyways, most of us have seen the movie and know the story, so no further boring talks on that. Let me explain what helped me in having different opinion then most of the pundits who are hell bent on claiming that Ra.One is no different than  those three movies I mentioned above, calculating amount of disaster about Ra.One, despite being not a fan of SRK? The first thing helped me is that I have not   given any comics in my childhood days. For me the only Super Hero was Hanuman. I had no knowledge about Batman or Superman or Spiderman, till I was in 5^th or 6^th standard. Thanks to Doordarshan, who used to air Spiderman every Sunday noon when I was a kid. Apart from that I never watched a single Superman movie till now. Only watched Batman in mid 80s on neighbors’ VCR and got an idea about what Batman is all about. Oh ya, not watching ROBOT also helped a lot while watching Ra.One. 

Not watching English movies also helped me in this cause. Yea very seldom I watch English movies. Like my father I am fan of only Bond Movies, hence no Terminator for me. Had I watched those movies I would have certainly joined the bandwagon. I always like good Hindi cinema and forget the bad one, once I leave the theater. That’s always been a case for me. That certainly helped. Being big fan of Amitabh Bachchan, I never tried to compare any other actor. Because for me AB is God and no one can come close to him, hence rests are equal. So I was like clean slate when I watched Ra.One last evening. 

So, when I saw Ra.One getting in to real life for the first time, the kid in me came to life. I really enjoyed the sequence. I am least concerned about VFX, SFX because I am totally non technical person. But I loved the way G.One jumped around and fight the goondas and then the Ra.One himself. I loved the way he goes through two trains and then run over the train to save lives of people. I was just spell bound when I saw V.T. Station started to come down as pack of cards. It really amazed me when Ra.One was dismantled in small pieces and later all came to gather and he became one again. Why I am saying this?

Because in all the reviews which are trying to ridicule the movie are trying to establish few technical things to common man. The problem with our pundits are as I said, have seen foreign flicks and thus they feel that this movie has inferior technology. We always have this mentality to admire foreign flicks and ridicule Indian efforts. We don’t mind a bus jumps to safety, where there is no way it can with so much big gap on under construction bridge in Speed, but we laugh at “The Burning Train” calling it “The Turning Brain”.  But for people like me who have not watched certain things regularly can really enjoy these stuffs. There is also a gallery, who has already decided way back to get the movie down at any cost. I agree with most of them regarding SRK and his antics, but at the same time you should go case to case, if you like to call yourself a movie buff. For me Ra.One has rocked!  Yes the movie has plenty of flaws. Plenty of things should have been avoided. Few I have mentioned above plus, there was no need of Satish Shah. Good actor has been wasted. No need of that Gay checking at the London air port . But that’s one should expect such things in SRK movie. G.One putting his palm on Kareena’s breast while saving her should also have been avoided, but again, that’s SRK for you.  While making fun of SRK we often forget that we have seen “Jahapanah  tussi great ho” with pants down and we have seen towel been pushed in an out between the legs before and enjoyed them too.  

People has also criticized the movie by saying that, this super hero is interested in saving one family only and not the entire human race as they show in Hollywood. Well then I must say they have not seen the movie properly and were busy in finding flaws only. My dear friends, the story says that it all started when Lucifer left the game in midway defeating Ra.One in the 2^nd round of the game, hence Ra.One wanted to kill Lucifer only. It’s because Lucifer needed someone like Ra.One as he himself was weak enough to save his own life, enters G.One. If all the pundits have stayed till the end of the movie, they would have noticed that G.One has already has come back. The main aim was conquered, Ra.One is dead, hence now G.One can think of surviving entire human race!! 

The overall feel for me is “Paisa Wasool”. For that only people go to watch movie and I am no different. Those dream projects I have mentioned in start of this blog, have primarily sad stories. Mind you “Mera Naam Joker” is one of my all time favorites. Yes you can have dream of making such movies, but you are offering your dream to public in general, I feel SRK proved a bit taller and smarter than those three dream projects. He has chosen the subject very well. Things which can attract people. Good Look, ummm good enough “story”, good music, good songs, special effects. That’s it.  To be very frank, you need “balls” to make such an expensive movie and come out with conviction. I have never seen technology been used with such an effect before in hindi movies. As I said V.T. Station falling down was pack of punch by this movie for me and ya burning Ravan behind Ra.One was no less spectacular. 

If at all SRK wants to make Ra.Two, as a fan of Ra.One, I would advise him to keep those cheap things at bay. Indian viewer is very much matured now. Give him what he wants; he will make you a super hero by any means. If at all SRK is going to make Ra.Two, I am looking forward to watch it from today itself. 

Oh ya and stars? I would give 3.5 out of 5.

Dessert Storm!!

“Har saal hazar log cigarette peena chhor dete hain”

“Warning padh kar?”

“Nahi mar kar”

-          One of the dialogues in “Ra.One”